I spent last night helping The Cyclist pack for his move this weekend. It was great. My hands were completely black from newsprint by the end of the night and I left crazy messages on the boxes that I personally packed; for example, "Packed by The Hot One (Kelly)" and "Packed by the Smart One (Kelly)." I found those messages extremely amusing, but The Cyclist did this whole grimacing/whining thing (afraid that his new roomie would give him a hard time) which I didn't quite understand. Who wouldn't want boxes with comments about how great I am? I know, I know . . . it's hard to fathom.
But this is not the story that I intended to tell you. I have to share with you the experience of obtaining the newspapers that we used to wrap The Cyclist's stuff:
Now, The Cyclist and I are poor and do not have a subscription to the newspaper. Therefore, we had to take matters into our own hands. The Cyclist's great solution: Go scavenging through recycling bins. I raised my eyebrow at this idea, but went along with the plan.
THE FIRST ATTEMPT:
Location: The recycling dumpster outside The Cyclist's apartment.
The Cyclist climbs into the dumpster.
Me: Um, are you sure that we're allowed to do this?
TC: Yeah, of course.
Me: Huh.
TC: Here, hold these *hands me a stack of newspaper*
Me: Ok.
TC: Gross. Someone's thrown their trash in here as well. They aren't supposed to do that.
Me: These newspapers smell.
TC: Do they really?
Me: *wrinkles nose* Yes.
TC: Hmm, ok, we're going to have to go somewhere else. I don't want the newspaper stinking up my stuff.
Me: *gives him papers back* Um, how are you going to get out of there?
TC: I'll just . . . uh . . . climb up here . . . ack *falls back into dumpster*
Me: *smirks* Looking good. Haha.
TC: Shut up punk. *finally gets out of dumpster*
THE SECOND ATTEMPT
Location: Recycling dumpster outside of a fire station.
The Cyclist climbs into yet another dumpster.
Me: Of ALL the places to go climbing into dumpsters, you pick one outside of a fire station!
TC: So?
Me: There's a fireman standing right there outside of the building. He's going to see us and then we're going to get arrested.
TC: He's just a fireman. He's not a policeman.
Me: But he knows policemen.
TC: What's he going to say, "Sorry son, you're under arrest for taking those old dirty newspapers that nobody wants anymore?"
Me: Yes.
TC: Here, hold these.
Me: I see how it is, give ME all of the incriminating evidence to hold.
TC: That's right. I can see it now, "Um officer, I don't know this crazy woman . . . I uh, dropped my keys in the dumpster and had to go and get them."
Me: Gee. Thanks.
TC: Alright, I think that's enough.
Me: *laden down with newspapers, can't move*
The Cyclist and I head back to the car, putting the newspapers in the trunk.
TC: We're like that famous crime duo . . . even though we took newspapers that we were allowed to take.
Me: You mean, we're like Bonnie and Clyde?
TC: Yeah!
2 months ago
27 comments:
You are so silly, tell the Cyclist I said hi!
-The Shamana
Seriously, I made the same typo twice in a row. Let's see if I can get it right this time. What my FIRST comment was supposed to say (in a grammatically correct fashion) was:
"I'm silly? I'd say that I'm practical/slightly paranoid. ;) I'll tell The Cyclist that you say hello."
I would have paid money to see this!
Hey anonymous - if you give me a hint as to who you are, then I will most certainly except money from you. :)
I'm not sure who put that last comment, but I will pay to see other things ;)
Whoa there, Mr. Anonymous. You must be referring to my extensive book collection.
Here is a general notice to those of you who post anonymously: If you make comments that require me to know who you are, and your comments are ambiguous enough that I can't figure out who you are . . . STATE WHO YOU ARE! Thank you. :)
Whoa, these comments are taking a new turn. I totally would love to see your extensive book collection, though I think Mr. Anonymous was referring to something else. And by that, I am of course referring to your giant rubberband ball, Stanley.
-The Shamana
Dear Shamana,
You are quite the perceptive one. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND???? Mr. Anonymous MUST have been referring to Stanley. Stanley's got quite a following, as you and I both know. That has to be it. All of this ambiguity and anonymity, it's driving me crazy.
Oh and hey Shamana, I want to see Fred. And by Fred, I mean your giant rubberband ball Fred.
He'll try to make a stop in Richmond, he's on a world tour right now. You know how it is when you are a hot, young, single, male rubberband ball. You just spend your days, BOUNCING from town to town. BANDing together with different people. RUBBing noses with the best people in society...
-The Shamana
*Adds to Kelly's list of "things to do before I die" - figure out who Anonymous is...
OMG. I'm dying of laughter here. I love you a million times over Shamana!
Codearachnid - if you know who it is, I'd like to know.
Please.
Why does it seem like you're dying to know who "Anonymous" is, Kelly? and why do you consider it a message that "requires" you to know who the writer is? Is is because you run a business showing this thing of ambiguity to people such as "Mr. Anonymous"? and how do we know Mr. Anonymous isn't a Mrs. or Ms.?
hmmm...
~Enigma
I've decided that I don't care who this Anonymous Mr./Mrs./Miss/It is anymore. I'm just going to sit here and chew my coffee-flavored gum. Over and out.
I am the Anonymous who would have paid money. Never fear.
Signed--
The Fabulous One
Dear The Fabulous One,
I figured that you were the first Anonymous one, but I don't think that you're the same Anonymous who said that he'd/she'd/it'd "pay money to see other things." Correct me if I'm wrong. :)
No, it wasn't The Fabulous One - it was me :o)
Lord help me this is going to go on forever. Stop the madness! Besides, I have my suspicions as to who it is, so I'm just going to go with that. I refuse to talk about this anymore. The end people! THE END!
Dare to dream, kelbel, dare to dream...
-The Shamana
So you knew the entire time that it was me? Damn! I guess you got me.
--Santa Claus
Alright? I don't know who you think you are, but this is the real Santa Claus and I don't appreciate people going around and pretending to be me. Get a different alias, jerk. Good job - you've won yourself a spot on the naughty list.
-Mr. Claus
You should be proud kelbel... You have Santa Claus posting on your blog =)
-The Shamana
*steals all the presents while Santa isn't looking and runs off*
--The Grinch
*steals all the presents while Santa isn't looking*
Be nice to Kelly Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss. Anonymous. Or else!
....Do I need to step in.
-BJ
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