me. on a dark country road.

Those who know me know that I am navigationally challenged. It is of course, no fault of my own. I am the helpless victim of poor navigational genetics. Anyway, I had a babysitting job last night that ended up being in The Middle Of Nowhere. I mean, back country road USA. I have nothing against the country. I love it, actually. But take away my street signs, stop lights and neon navigational-direction-pointers and I get a bit anxious. I guess if I ever want to realize my dream of living in the mountains yet within 10 miles of a thriving city, I'll have to get over that.

So, I'm driving on ye old dirt road and notice that 1. Most of these houses are over 300 feet back from the road, behind lots of trees. 2. The only way you can see an address number is by having miraculous superspeed night vision that enables you to glimpse miniscule address numbers on the side of black mailboxes in the pitch black at 45 miles per hour. Of course, for the first part of this driving adventure, I have a pickup truck tailing me and forcing me to go 45 mph, therefore preventing me from seeing what addresses I am passing because I lack previously mentioned superspeed night vision. Then the truck turns off the road and I can slow down. But I realize as I travel for a much longer time expected down the road and reach an "intersection" that I've missed the house. With a cool head, I turn around and drive back at 25 mph, stopping at every mailbox to read the number. Note: With a cool head. (No panic!) And then I find the house. Finally. Aren't you proud of me?

Salmon Soda

I know that Americans are oftly fond of the unique. Especially when it's one-of-a-kind . . . and we own it. We have learned quite well how to make sure it gets noticed, either by a flashing hand or a subtle/not-so-subtle hint within conversation. I know this. But I really wonder why in the heck someone on this planet has enough time, enough inclination, and enough money to concept and actually create salmon-flavored soda. Can one even claim its appeal lies in novelty? Is it even possible?! I think not. Such a declaration would imply that any appeal, of any sort whatsoever, lay within it.

Really, I like fish. I do. In fact, salmon is my favorite fish Of All Time. I'm a little unhappy though, about the fact that at least for the next week I associate it with a completely unpleasant and vile drink. It's orange-pink. It tastes like salmon (really, that's all I need to say), and it slides down your throat in liquid form. Gah . . . gross eew eew eew *twitching and all sorts of uncomfortable motions.* Is it too much to ask that we keep fish in it's natural form and not apply its flavor to soda?

And thus, as I ponder the ever-horrifying concept of salmon-flavored soda, I find the urge to pen this:

REAL MEN OF GENIUS *Real Men of Genius!*

We salute you Mr. Salmon-Flavored-Soda-Creator-Man. *Mr. Salmon-Flavored-Soda-Creator-Man!* You took a step out of the box - waaay out side of the box, when you combined our favorite pink fish with a carbonated beverage. *TRUE harmony of nature and taste!* Regular, Diet, . . . who cares? As long it's in a cool bottle, that's all that really matters *SO pretty and pink!* We take comfort in the fact that somewhere, somehow, there is a way to eat salmon without using a fork or a knife .*CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!* As we throw up in the nearest trash can, we salute you Mr. Salmon-Flavored-Soda-Creator-Man . . . because nothing says "satisfying" like a fishy aftertaste. *Mr. Salmon-Flavored-Soda-Creator-Man!"